I had to leave the party early. There was no way that I could sit there anymore, listening to everyone just rabble on about how much work sucks, or that this person cheated on me and we should get together, and whatever other conversations happened in that time period. I'm an optimistic person, and between the drunken state in which I was in and the negativity and insensitivity of the patrons at that party were wearing on my nerve. Not to mention the sight of him.
It was a few months ago. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship; one that had lasted much too long. I was madly in love with this guy, but he didn't feel the same way towards me. I'm not even sure what drew me towards him anymore. He was a little abusive, a womanizer who I desperately tried to get to settle down and live a real, honest life. And for a while, he did. We moved in together, did everything that a real couple would do, and lived happily together. Things started to flip though, as he relapsed into his old ways. He was out late at night, claiming that he was being held over at work. Nearly every time he told me that, all I could think about was "who was he really doing work with"? I couldn't ever prove otherwise, but my suspicions took me over until I confronted him one night. That's when our relationship took a turn for the worst.
That night, he truly returned to his former self. So much, in fact, that I spent the next few days in a hospital bed, barely able to move from the brutal beating that I had to endure. To this day, I don't know if it was the hitting or the breaking of my heart that paralyzed me. How could someone you love act that way towards you, when all you've ever wanted to do was be with them and live a happy life together? It was gut-wrenching to think that we would never be together again. I did try to see him one more time, a few weeks after that incident, but he didn't show. I hoped that it was because he was too afraid of what might happen, or that he really hated himself for what he did and just couldn't face seeing me come back as strong as ever. Or because he was pissed that I had managed to communicate to a few of his next "lovers" who he truly is.
As I walked down the street to my apartment, I had a weird feeling that I was being watched. I could sense a pair of eyes following me as I hurried my steps, but I just couldn't place where they were coming from. I was almost at a run when a figure appeared in front of me. I stopped suddenly, and screamed, but there was no one awake to hear my pleads.
That was the last thing that I remember.
That was the last thing that I could ever remember.
Showing posts with label Alone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Alone. Show all posts
Saturday, April 14, 2012
On the Edge
(Note: This is an original idea. I realize that it has been over a month since I have written anything on here. Between work and other activities out with my friends, plus being extremely tired most days, I lost interest in writing anything. It seemed like one more task that I needed to do on an already exhausting day. Plus, whatever I was writing at the time, I just lost interest in it. For some reason, I came up with the premise and the back story to the characters, but couldn't continue on with it.)
This is it. There's no turning back.
I exhaled as I walked closer and closer to the ledge. This one final act of mine will certainly stand out. Everyone will notice me. Everyone will remember me.
I've felt, for a long time now, that I was just another pawn in the life of those around me. They can push me forward, in what I hope to be a way to improve myself. But in the end, I just end up as the bait for bigger moves, looking foolish in the process.
Claire was the first one. All the time that we spent together... All the dinners we had gone to; movies we had gone to see; the great times we shared... all gone. To think, my best friend being the root of all evil in this relationship, the very reason she had to let me go, is without a doubt one of the worst feelings in the world. I had confided in him. Why did he betray me like that? Personal gain? All he gained was what I see now as a manipulative bitch who will go through anyone to get to the one she cares about.
Next came my co-workers. Always leaving me out of the loop on gatherings and get-togethers. Do I embarrass them that much? Not once has anyone seemed as if I was as uncomfortable to be around with as much as the next person. Yeah, we all had our quirks, but it wasn't anything that anyone could look past, I'm sure. Besides, that's when I am at the top of my game! Everyone got a kick out of me! I even considered some of them as being my "friends" even though I never did tell them everything. They may have found out a couple things, but that doesn't mean that it is all true. The over-heard phone calls weren't what they thought they were... at least that's how I feel about it.
My family. How could they not be at my side in all of this? I've had such a difficult life, between work problems, women problems, and other personal problems, that it's hard for me to see someone just letting their loved ones just go like that. Could they not see that I was battling these things... battling the inner demons that stabbed and ripped at my body and soul? I've done everything I can to re-energize my life again, but the relapses seemed to take hold of everything.
I was lost.
And no one was there to guide me.
What more do I have to live for? Where do I go?
Since everything is heading down the drain, I guess that's where I deserve to go as well.
Goodbye.
This is it. There's no turning back.
I exhaled as I walked closer and closer to the ledge. This one final act of mine will certainly stand out. Everyone will notice me. Everyone will remember me.
I've felt, for a long time now, that I was just another pawn in the life of those around me. They can push me forward, in what I hope to be a way to improve myself. But in the end, I just end up as the bait for bigger moves, looking foolish in the process.
Claire was the first one. All the time that we spent together... All the dinners we had gone to; movies we had gone to see; the great times we shared... all gone. To think, my best friend being the root of all evil in this relationship, the very reason she had to let me go, is without a doubt one of the worst feelings in the world. I had confided in him. Why did he betray me like that? Personal gain? All he gained was what I see now as a manipulative bitch who will go through anyone to get to the one she cares about.
Next came my co-workers. Always leaving me out of the loop on gatherings and get-togethers. Do I embarrass them that much? Not once has anyone seemed as if I was as uncomfortable to be around with as much as the next person. Yeah, we all had our quirks, but it wasn't anything that anyone could look past, I'm sure. Besides, that's when I am at the top of my game! Everyone got a kick out of me! I even considered some of them as being my "friends" even though I never did tell them everything. They may have found out a couple things, but that doesn't mean that it is all true. The over-heard phone calls weren't what they thought they were... at least that's how I feel about it.
My family. How could they not be at my side in all of this? I've had such a difficult life, between work problems, women problems, and other personal problems, that it's hard for me to see someone just letting their loved ones just go like that. Could they not see that I was battling these things... battling the inner demons that stabbed and ripped at my body and soul? I've done everything I can to re-energize my life again, but the relapses seemed to take hold of everything.
I was lost.
And no one was there to guide me.
What more do I have to live for? Where do I go?
Since everything is heading down the drain, I guess that's where I deserve to go as well.
Goodbye.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
A Man Wakes up in a Small Row Boat in the Middle of the Ocean
Suggested by: Cathy Beasley
Where am I?
Oh... I’m still here .
He has lost track of time. How long would be remain afloat upon this vast, desolate body? Time could no longer tell..
He picked up his oars again and continued on. To where, he had no clue. That didn’t matter anymore. Somewhere... anywhere. It surely had to be better than this hellish isolation.
As he rowed toward the unknown, his eyes caught the stains of blood on the handle of his oar. Memories quickly fading into the darkness of the struggle he’s had up until now. His whole life, it seems, has been a struggle.
He keeps pushing, and pushing. Pushing through the pain; the agony. One stroke after another, he keeps pushing, until he can no longer move his arms. He collapses again, like so many other times before, in extreme exhaustion.
I’ve never given up before. I’m not going to stop now.
Slowly, he gathers himself, and rises.
This is not the end.
With all his might, he continues on his fatal quest. It’s nearing midday, but it seems uncharacteristically dark. The water begins to churn. The winds pick up.
He hesitates for a moment. A whisper echos in his mind, bringing with it memories of his family.
I will see them again someday. I will make it through this. I must find my way.
The skies darken. Thunder and lightening rumble and flash overhead. The rain pours down from above. The waves crash on the side of his boat.
I WILL GO ON! I MUST FIND MY WAY BACK!
His boat capsizes. He struggles to make his way back on, as the waves drag him down below the raging sea.
A mother and her daughter sit bedside to their loved one, crying. The tubes keeping him there with them no longer necessary, as the deafening tone rings out around them...
Where am I?
Oh... I’m still here .
He has lost track of time. How long would be remain afloat upon this vast, desolate body? Time could no longer tell..
He picked up his oars again and continued on. To where, he had no clue. That didn’t matter anymore. Somewhere... anywhere. It surely had to be better than this hellish isolation.
As he rowed toward the unknown, his eyes caught the stains of blood on the handle of his oar. Memories quickly fading into the darkness of the struggle he’s had up until now. His whole life, it seems, has been a struggle.
He keeps pushing, and pushing. Pushing through the pain; the agony. One stroke after another, he keeps pushing, until he can no longer move his arms. He collapses again, like so many other times before, in extreme exhaustion.
I’ve never given up before. I’m not going to stop now.
Slowly, he gathers himself, and rises.
This is not the end.
With all his might, he continues on his fatal quest. It’s nearing midday, but it seems uncharacteristically dark. The water begins to churn. The winds pick up.
He hesitates for a moment. A whisper echos in his mind, bringing with it memories of his family.
I will see them again someday. I will make it through this. I must find my way.
The skies darken. Thunder and lightening rumble and flash overhead. The rain pours down from above. The waves crash on the side of his boat.
I WILL GO ON! I MUST FIND MY WAY BACK!
His boat capsizes. He struggles to make his way back on, as the waves drag him down below the raging sea.
A mother and her daughter sit bedside to their loved one, crying. The tubes keeping him there with them no longer necessary, as the deafening tone rings out around them...
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