Who's There?

I had to leave the party early. There was no way that I could sit there anymore, listening to everyone just rabble on about how much work sucks, or that this person cheated on me and we should get together, and whatever other conversations happened in that time period. I'm an optimistic person, and between the drunken state in which I was in and the negativity and insensitivity of the patrons at that party were wearing on my nerve. Not to mention the sight of him.

It was a few months ago. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship; one that had lasted much too long. I was madly in love with this guy, but he didn't feel the same way towards me. I'm not even sure what drew me towards him anymore. He was a little abusive, a womanizer who I desperately tried to get to settle down and live a real, honest life. And for a while, he did. We moved in together, did everything that a real couple would do, and lived happily together. Things started to flip though, as he relapsed into his old ways. He was out late at night, claiming that he was being held over at work. Nearly every time he told me that, all I could think about was "who was he really doing work with"? I couldn't ever prove otherwise, but my suspicions took me over until I confronted him one night. That's when our relationship took a turn for the worst.

That night, he truly returned to his former self. So much, in fact, that I spent the next few days in a hospital bed, barely able to move from the brutal beating that I had to endure. To this day, I don't know if it was the hitting or the breaking of my heart that paralyzed me. How could someone you love act that way towards you, when all you've ever wanted to do was be with them and live a happy life together? It was gut-wrenching to think that we would never be together again. I did try to see him one more time, a few weeks after that incident, but he didn't show. I hoped that it was because he was too afraid of what might happen, or that he really hated himself for what he did and just couldn't face seeing me come back as strong as ever. Or because he was pissed that I had managed to communicate to a few of his next "lovers" who he truly is.

As I walked down the street to my apartment, I had a weird feeling that I was being watched. I could sense a pair of eyes following me as I hurried my steps, but I just couldn't place where they were coming from. I was almost at a run when a figure appeared in front of me. I stopped suddenly, and screamed, but there was no one awake to hear my pleads.

That was the last thing that I remember.

That was the last thing that I could ever remember.

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Suggested by: James Monastra (visit his blog at printedvisuals.blogspot.com)


Status Update: So glad I get to relax today! Working hard lately. Not much time for myself, so I'm spending today along in my bed doing whatever I want!

This is the update I put on my profile recently after having spent the past few days working tirelessly into the night. It doesn't bother me much. It;s the busy season, so it comes as no surprise. As long as the paychecks are good, I have no complaints.

So I go through with my plans for the day: sit on the computer for a bit, catch up on some television shows I missed due to work, and finish a bit more of a book that I've been trying to get through. After a while, I decide to see what some of my friends are up to online.

As I log on to the computer, I see the notification icon lit up. Someone must have comment on my last post. I click the icon and see that one of my friends comment on the status update I had left. I go to it, and instantly become upset. It reads:

You would stay in bed all day, you lazy fag. How many guys you have with you this time?? lol lol

 I was confused. I know my "friend" likes to joke around a lot, but sometimes his jokes go a little too far. This one, though, whether joke or not, really struck a chord. I don't know why, but it really left an impression on me. I may act a little eccentric sometimes, but it's all in good fun. Believe me, I'm not gay in the slightest, but I do have some good friends that are and we've all had some great times together. Never anything like that, mind you. I understand and appreciate why the do and like what they do, just as I understand and appreciate why anyone does and likes anything they do. It's doesn't bother me in the slightest.

I've heard my friend throw that work around a lot. Usually it isn't directed towards anyone in particular, but he does use it quite often. Thinking back, I realized that every time he has used that word, I feel a slight pang in my guy and get really agitated, like I want to punch the one that said it.

I've held myself back up until now, but I can no longer hold it in. What is wrong with being gay? Why do we as a nation find it so taboo? I know we are moving in the right direction as of late, but that still isn't going to change the fact that people are afraid of it. Why are we so afraid of moving away from the "norm," that any difference from our beliefs and likes that are shown in this world warrants such abusive and aggressive behavior? It's not going to solve anything by being so ignorant and forcing what you think the world should be like. It's only going to make you look more like an ass to anyone who thinks differently of you.

And why do you even care in the first place? It has no direct effect on your life, so why let it get to you? If you feel so strongly in the negative about it, then believe me, most anyone else, including myself, are better off without your company. Your negative energy need not weigh down on my being. You can go and be the arrogant, and self-righteous jerk that you are and leave the rest of to live how we intend to live... but our own means.